Childhood Messages and Core Longings

Enneagram Wisdom: Understanding our Heart Messages

A Powerful Tool for Self-Discovery and Personal Growth.

The Enneagram is a helpful tool for understanding ourselves and others. It teaches us the nine different ways of experiencing the world and offers profound insights into our motivations, fears, and desires.

At the heart of the Enneagram lies the childhood message (sometimes referred to as the wounding message) and core longing, two important aspects that shape our personality, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours throughout our lives. Understanding our childhood message and core longing can be transformative, allowing us to unlock a deeper understanding of ourselves and cultivate a path toward acceptance, compassion, and growth.

What are Childhood Messages and Core Longings?

Childhood messages are the implicit or explicit beliefs we internalise during our early years, becoming an inner voice that keeps us from being free. These messages, things we actually heard or things we perceived to be true, even though they weren’t, shape our perception of the world and deeply impact how we relate to ourselves and others. They often stem from experiences and interactions with our parents or significant caregivers.

By understanding our childhood message we can begin to heal our wounds, challenge self-limiting beliefs, move towards self-awareness and compassion, and break free from the patterns that have shaped our behaviour and perspectives.

The Childhood Messages of the Nine Enneagram Types:

  • The Perfectionist: “It’s not okay to be wrong or make mistakes.”
  • The Helper: “It’s not okay to have needs of my own.”
  • The Achiever: “It’s not okay to have my own feelings or identity.”
  • The Individualist: “It’s not okay to be too much and not enough.”
  • The Investigator: “It’s not okay to be comfortable in the world.”
  • The Loyalist: “It’s not okay to trust myself.”
  • The Enthusiast: “It’s not okay to depend on others for anything.”
  • The Challenger: “It’s not okay to trust or be vulnerable with anyone.”
  • The Peacemaker: “It’s not okay to assert myself.”

The Core Longings – Messages Our Heart Longs to Hear:

Core longings represent the fundamental needs that we seek to fulfil, the message our heart longed to hear while we were young. They capture the yearnings and desires that drive our thoughts, emotions, and actions as we look for ways to earn or hear it from others. Core longings reflect the deep-seated longing for something that we may feel is missing or elusive.

The Core Longing of the Nine Enneagram Types:

  • The Perfectionist: “I am good.”
  • The Helper: “I am wanted and loved for simply being me.”
  • The Achiever: “I am valuable and loved for who I am, not just for what I do.”
  • The Individualist: “I am seen and loved for exactly who I am.”
  • The Investigator: “My needs are not a problem.”
  • The Loyalist: “I am safe and secure”
  • The Enthusiast: “I will be taken care of.”
  • The Challenger: “I will not be betrayed.”
  • The Peacemaker: “My presence matters.”

 Understanding Our Heart Messages Helps:

  • Fosters Self-Awareness and Compassion: When we delve into our childhood messages and core longings, we gain a greater understanding of why we think, feel, and behave the way we do. This awareness allows us to develop self-compassion and empathy, recognising that our responses are rooted in early experiences and how we made sense of our world growing up.
  • Breaking Limiting Beliefs: By uncovering our childhood messages and core longings, we can identify repetitive beliefs and behaviours that may no longer serve us. With this awareness, we gain the power to break free from self-imposed limitations and adopt healthier ways of being.
  • Brings Healing and Connection: Understanding our childhood messages and core longings paves the way for healing deep emotional wounds. We can address unresolved issues, acknowledge unmet needs, and cultivate a sense of wholeness and worth. This process enables us to develop a more authentic and fulfilling connection with ourselves and others.
  • Strengthening Relationships: The Enneagram’s insights into childhood messages and core longings can enhance our relationships. When we recognise the underlying needs and fears of those around us, we can respond with empathy and understanding. This fosters deeper connections, reduces conflicts, and cultivates more harmonious relationships.

Understanding your childhood message and core longing is an essential step on the journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

To start, DOWNLOAD this free Enneagram Wisdom Guide.