It is flippantly easy to look back on a period of time and say “that year was a good year” or “that was a hard year” but often in reality, each year is probably a mixture of both; both good and hard, joy and sorrow. Our hearts perspective on life will often dictate our over-all assessment.
This year for me has brought joy and sorrow, challenge and growth. However, there has been a common thread woven throughout, the thread of Trust.
In some ways it makes me nervous, what awaits me that I need such a deep rooted understanding of trust in God? From past experience learning one character trait usually leads to testing in that area, sort of like having learnt the material in theory it is then time to put it into practice. Not always an enjoyable experience.
God has taken me on a journey this year where so many circumstances have needed trust in him. It started in obedience, needing to seek forgiveness for wrong actions and strength to stand up for walking a different path, despite the outcome.
It has involved letting go of certain things with my children. For Michael this year I needed to loosen the reigns in giving him much more flexibility for time with his Dad and trusting God to cover him in all the areas I can’t anymore. Then with Anna it was like I had come home one day to a stranger in my house, she still looked like my daughter but something was extremely different. I felt like I was standing behind a glass door, I could see her but just couldn’t reach her. After refusing to accept that this was how it was going to be until the aliens returned her and trying everything I could think of, I had to leave her in God’s hands and trust that he would restore our relationship and He would protect her in whatever she was experiencing. And praise God He did.
I’ve had to let go and Trust God with Thomas and Anna travelling overseas, with finances and health. I have had to let go of hopes and dreams – sometimes our hopes and dreams are the very things that inspire us to keep moving forward and sometimes they can be the very things that bring us undone or keep us stuck. And so I have had to lay them down, not in hopelessness but resting instead in a new hope in who God is and what He plans for my future.
I have had to learn what it means to take God’s promises and hold onto them despite what circumstances dictate; to see things through the eyes of faith and Trust in His unchanging character.
It is not easy to let go and wait on God, I want understanding, I want answers, direction, something tangible to hold onto when things seem uncertain. But I have learnt that that is resting in my own understanding, my own ability and my own perceptions, which is why God says “trust in me”. I am learning that leaning on God has taken the weight of expectation off myself and others and actually brings a much greater peace than I could ever attain trying to work things out or ‘hold onto things’ myself. God is indeed in control and His perspective is much greater than mine and His grace is always sufficient.
I wonder what else will come this year until I truly learn what he wants me to of trust. I have come too far in my journey with God over my life to shy away and turn back. The refining process is never easy or comfortable but growing closer to His character and staying close to Him on this journey called life is the only place I want to be.
Isaiah 26:3-4 ”You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you. Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.”
John 8:23 I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I’m living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this.
1 Chronicles 28:20 Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.