You’ve headed off confidently in one direction, believing it’s the right road to take, only to discover down the track it’s actually taken you further away from where you intended to go and now you don’t know how to get back on the right track?
This year has been that for me and the last few months especially, which is why it has been so long between my writings.
Some eighteen months ago I chose a path which I believed was the right thing for my family, a step towards independence and an opportunity for us to pull together and work as a team. The problem is; long hours, a perfectionist who can’t say “no”, over stress and an ever increasing feeling of letting everyone down resulted in the whole “team” thing really meaning “me” trying to do it all.
I became the mouse on the treadmill forever running but getting nowhere fast and losing more of what I really valued in who I was as I strove to reach the “cheese”.
Everyone around me could see what was painfully obvious, everyone else except me. I lost my peace and my joy, the time I used to devote to my faith where my peace of mind and heart came from was replaced with work, chores and exhaustion.
I longed for quiet to reflect and write and grow in faith, understanding and peace, not only for myself but for my children as well. I knew it had been my lifeline for so many years yet my well intentioned detour had steered me away and I was left stumbling through each day.
The warning signs were huge yet the treadmill was spinning too fast to just stop, I knew what I needed yet I couldn’t quite grasp hold of it to put it in place…
(to be continued)