I thought I’d worked through all the pain and fear.
I thought I had dealt with the prospect of confrontation with my past and come to a place of acceptance, even normality.
And then it happens…
Standing before me, the very reminder of past hurt and trauma, and the memories come flooding back. So much for acceptance, so much for normality, when I least expected it I am overcome by panic and a desperate need to flee.
Was I wrong, have I not dealt with that painful season?
Thankful for my husband’s tender arms I have now quietened my mind and settled my heart and I don’t think the overwhelming emotions were because I haven’t fully dealt with the pain. I think it is more a realization of the depth of the memories and maybe the sense of vulnerability that confrontation can bring.
Does the past still have power over me?
No, not if I don’t let it, but the memories are reminders to what has been and how far I have come in recovery and healing. Such memories are emotion packed and stir the heart, it is a reminder of how much my heart has healed in being able to feel so freely, and that is something to be celebrated not feared.
Unexpected feelings can be unnerving and can cause us to question, but they are not necessarily a bad thing. Healing is a journey and until we experience certain things again it can be an unknown journey. Don’t fear unexpected emotions, feel them, accept them and move on.
You have come a long way, there may be more roads to cover yet, but you deserve freedom and joy and the journey is worth it – you are worth it!