There is a song I love by Jimmy Wayne called “Elephant Ears”, it is about a little girl who is in foster care and as she moves from home to home she becomes afraid to say “I love you” in-case she has to move once again. Her comfort rests in a small toy elephant that stays with her throughout the years and this is where the love of her new family focuses.
Seeing her love for her elephant they suggest a code, the chorus says: “Elephant ears, that’ll be our code, When you can’t say I love you, but you want someone to know”. This brings freedom to this precious child, freedom to love without the fear of loss, freedom to regain a part of her that has been lost and a freedom to be vulnerable without feeling under threat.
This notion of a “code” is so simple yet so profound. It can be any single word or phrase that is only known by a couple or a family, unique to the relationship, which signals so much more than what it seems.
To those concerned it can open the door to communication in a way that is easy, non confrontational and directly reflects the need of your heart. It can mean: “I need to talk”, “Are you ok?”, “Is something on your mind”, “I’m sad”, “I need you” or simply “I love you”, in a language only the two of you understand. To simply utter your code automatically builds a bridge that declares the value of your relationship, respect for one another, and provides an opportunity to share at a deeper level.
My parents were able to speak in German to each other and I am sure this was not only at times when they didn’t want us kids to hear what they were planning, but also a way they communicated their love which was private, unique and very special.
Many of us aren’t blessed with the ability to speak another language but we can all use a “code language” which gives each other an invitation into our hearts and builds the relationship we all desire, one that is open, honest, accepting and filled with love.
What is your “code”?????