Our greatest enemy loves to kick us when we are down and knows how to play our weakness when we are most vulnerable.
Having prepared myself or so I thought mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually as best I could for an operation which I knew would challenge every part of me, I have just come out the other end of a tunnel lasting five weeks.
I faced minor complications which I hadn’t considered, frustrations that seemed outside my control. Each week brought something new and then things around home broke down and mentally I got caught up in my weakness without even realising how I got there. I thought I was prepared but I still have had a journey to travel and hills to climb that left me struggling.
No matter how well we think we have covered all the bases, sometimes life is just hard. We get down; we struggle with things that normally wouldn’t bother us and worst of all we give ourselves a hard time because of it. And you know what, it’s ok.
The tunnel doesn’t last forever and you will come through the other side. Five weeks isn’t that long in the scheme of things, for some of you it has been several months or maybe even a year, but while you are there it seems much longer. I just wanted a break, I’d had enough, I felt buffeted from all directions and just wanted to hit the rewind button or at least pause to regroup. I realise it is ok to find life hard sometimes, to feel alone and vulnerable, outside our comfort zone and challenged beyond ourselves.
We need our friends to pick us up, we need a beautiful sunrise or sunny day to lighten our spirit. Birds to sing or a child’s laughter to minister to our hearts or even a good soul releasing cry.
Our enemy wants us to believe the journey through the tunnel is how it always will be or that we shouldn’t be there at all and it’s our fault that we are.
But it is ok, we are human and we get sick, we get tired and sometimes things are overwhelming, it is not anyone’s fault, it just is.
Remind yourself it is ok and give yourself the grace and time to come through the other side. You will be stronger, the load will be lighter and you will probably learn a bit more about yourself along the way.
(30 September 2010)